It has been over 50 years and this story still follows me. I find that a lot of people are in search of the specific lock that will suit them, whether on a personal, a couple or a professional level. The problem begins when the person "believes" that something is wrong with him, that he is worthless and broken, that he is not suitable anywhere, rather than that the place he is at, is not suitable for him. If a person positions himself (or others place him) in an environment that is incompatible with his or her core identity, which is his original one, he will always feel broken, worthless, improper, wrong, unrealized. Sensations that can lead to anxiety and depression.
Each baby is born with a genetic inheritance that gives them a core identity - an original authentic identity. The core image connects the person with his original personality. These are congenital deterministic data, describing the commitment a person has to himself. The story begins because a man is not born into a vacuum. Once he reaches the world, he immediately registers experiences for himself, and as fingers give shape to clay, these experiences leave their mark on the personality and shape it. If these experiences support and strengthen its genetic organic components, it is wonderful, no problem. But what happens if these experiences do not support its genetic organic components? What happens when a person's history brings him together with adversity, which forces him/her to find defense mechanisms that keep him far away from his core, natural experience? Adversity that leaves a hunch, which they carry all their lives on their shoulders. A hunching made up of experiences that appeal to polar directions from what the genetic inheritance would require. And as I mentioned, when it comes to genetic hereditary components, it is a commitment, a responsibility that a person has towards himself. With such a commitment, one does not compromise. it is important to remember that this hunch is composed of elements learned, even if they have been learned in an early stage of childhood, they are still learned and therefore dynamic and subject to change. In a therapeutic process, correcting experiences can be recorded, and that is the challenge.
I will illustrate this through the case study, of a man in his early 30s, who gave me his consent to describe the case. I will call him by a pseudonym, Ehud. Ehud came to me for therapy in a condition of deep depression. Although he continued to function, went to work every morning, and although he received compliments for his work and achieved significant achievements in it, he felt no interest or joy in his life: "As if someone else was functioning and I was dead inside", "as if talking about someone else, not me", "I have no point in living... Nothing makes me happy... I'm empty inside and no one knows....."
In my biometric diagnosis, several characteristics and syndromes were discovered, which enabled him to understand the etiology of his distress, thus a deep understanding and focus on therapy from the very beginning. It is important to note that these are events that occurred during his preconscious period. To illustrate the pain and distress that the patient faced with, I will mention only three components of the entire diagnosis:
*The focus on me mother syndrome: What happens when the mother is emotionally unavailable to take care of her baby, and not necessarily for lack of love or concern, but for her realistic or personal reasons? The result is that the baby feels unsafe. He doubts his mother's organic and emotional commitment to him. This situation is unbearable (emotionally existential) to him, he depends on his mother 100%, so he must find a way to correct it. The "correction" is done by absorbing/understanding (unconsciously) everything that is "true" in the eyes of the mother, everything his mother identifies with, everything she values or cares about.
The baby absorbs all the sensations and emotions, he internalizes everything into himself, and fully identifies with those feelings and emotions. The (unconscious) purpose of the little boy or baby, is to do everything just like his mother, and thus, be inseparable from her. In fact, his attention to himself (which is natural at that stage) is diverted to his mother.
For illustration, I'll give an example: a little boy gets injured playing in the yard, runs home to his mother, hurting and crying. He's focused on his own pain, his own panic, completely focused on his own feelings. The mother's reaction is somewhere between "You keep doing this to me... Can't you be careful? Can't you see you're interfering with my work? You're dirtying my carpet with the blood... And so on."
In doing so, she diverts her toddler's attention from himself, and passes his attention to her. Once again, the toddler is obliged to be busy with what is happening with his mother. And thus, the mother is the center of the baby's attention, the baby's focus.
* False self: Although it is about the person's inner identity, in this case we are talking about a false identity. The baby/child apparently learned that how he really is (his or her core identity, originality) is unacceptable to the parent (mother or father). In order to survive, the toddler learns that he must adapt to the parent. He does this by rejecting himself, his identity, and internalizes, connects, and identifies with the identity of the parent. In fact, it can be said that the child has adopted the identity of the parent, and he executes the expectations of that parent. That way, his identity is false, it's not his own.
On the other hand, I discovered an immensely powerful *Will Factor system in Ehud's palm. This system operates as an engine, which leads a man. It is impossible to correctly evaluate a person, without understanding the level of power of his will system. The will factor is the expression of the life instinct in the consciousness awareness.
The will system is in each person's personality and has genetic origins. This system is supposed to lead man to autonomy and independence. The more developed the system is, the greater the person's commitment to autonomy and independence is. And in Ehud's case, this system is highly developed, which obligates him to autonomy and independence in an absolute way.
So, what happens when Ehud's specific will system, which indicates that his natural environment must include art, abstract things, things that have value beyond money, culture. A will system that indicates a kind of elegance, devoid of coarseness, a beautiful, high-quality, and extremely strong will system that requires him to strive for achievements.
A will system that requires him to aspire to total independence and autonomy encounters his inner image, which is extremely lacking, to the point that he does not know who he is, that his original, core identity is false, and he has set "himself" aside from infancy, without a clue about this process, apart from his heavy and difficult feelings. The fact that he succeeded at work did not thrill him, because he felt alienated from what he did.
How will he know how to fulfill his desire?
Ehud is in conflict. He has a big gap between will and reality. Always when there is a gap between expectation/aspiration and reality, there is a tendency to anxious. If the anxious situation is met, the situation is controllable, but if there is no response to anxiety, depression is reached **, the situation Ehud was in when he arrived for treatment.
The strong will, the capacity for perseverance, the high intelligence, are some of Ehud's great powers that we could rely on in the therapeutic work throughout the process. Understanding the emotions and etiology expedited his consciousness, and the of recovery and reconnection with his natural core original identity.
Working with depression was not easy, but Ehud struggled with his history and did not give in to it. And so, little by little, he succeeded through a corrective experience through the relationship with me, learning to stand up for himself, identifying things he loved and connecting with them. Ehud left work and became independent. Married and became a father. He found the lock that suited him.
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Reference:
* Dr. Arnold Holtzman (2004) (2013 2nd edition) The Illustrated Textbook of Psychodiagnostic Chirology in Analysis and Therapy. The Greenwood-Chase Press. Toronto, Canada
** S. R. Maddi. Personality Theories: a comparative analysis. (George A. Kelly, David C. McClelland). Dr. Martin Seligman, Learned Helplessness. The Dorsey Press 1972. U.S.A